I thought I might present some cases from my files over the next year as a way of stretching that old brain matter. Hopefully they will be interesting and are intended to expand on what goes on in people’s minds at times. In these cases while they may seem a little odd at times, there is a good learning lesson which can be applied to our lives.
You are definitely encouraged to comment and throw some ideas around and if appropriate I might give further hints there. The following occurs intermittingly in therapy, so it’s not a commonality, but by the same token is not so uncommon that the cases could be classified as outliers. As this also occurred in my life a few times, it was an interesting insight to gain eventually. The pattern is as follows:
The relationship has formally ended but the people involved keep seeing each other for a period after. Eventually the relationship ends for real in that there is no contact and typically it’s the person who initiated the breakup that cuts the relationship off. However, while there is still contact for a sometime, there are usually with sporadic sexual relations and usually the contact occurs under the guise of friendship. Gender is not an issue as I have seen it work both ways.
What will happen is one partner (the person who ended the relationship) will start to become distraught and cry, but will withhold what they are crying over. No amount of pleading, asking about what is wrong sees an answer forthcoming. The person who is distraught really does not want to talk about it at all. This only occurs once and it seems a huge deal at the time as the person really seems on the verge of a breakdown.
The distinctive feature here is how distraught the person is. They are crying and wanting to be held and comforted in the main.
The person on the other end, typically feels confused and naturally enough is worried. They will be searching for a reason as to why their former lovers (with whom they are still in love with) are so distraught. Nonetheless, generally they are supportive of the other person. This supporting aspect is a feature of the past relationship, where the person who is distraught generally feels comfortable and supported by their partner.
The sequence then is, the relationship is kind of ended. There is a period of continued contact. Out of the blue the person who ended the relationship becomes mysteriously distraught as a one off thing. The relationship ends for real in that there is no longer contact. The person who was dumped does not typically know why the other person became distraught, but it sticks in mind as a pivotal incident, even though it remains unexplained and mysterious.
This is a pattern which occurs for some people. What I mean by that is when it occurs it typically occurs at least a few times in a persons life all with the same result as in ending in a mystery. It is also different people, in different relationships, yet the reason for the behavior is consistent.
Ok so why was the person being distraught and looking for support, but never discloses what has upset them?
See how you go with that and I will post what occurs in a couple of days’ time.