There have only been a few rare times in my life when I have taken an instant aversion to someone. I use the term aversion in the sense of there is something ‘ewww’ or ‘off’ about the person rather than some indication of dislike.
Recently, I came across one such person in the gaming community. The moment I met her I had a strong hunch that there was something not quite right with the person. My greatest sense was not wanting to have anything to do with her.
Many years earlier I had a similar experience. I was introduced to a potential business partner by a friend of mine. The moment he opened the door and shook my hand to introduce himself was the moment I had a strong sense that this guy was trouble.
A year later, this same person acted in nefarious ways which contributed significantly to the breakdown of a business I was running. His actions which were criminal in nature led to significant debt on my part and I had no recourse other than to shut down the business and sell of what I could to avoid bankruptcy.
On reflection I should have listened to that very first signal, which then begs the question why didn’t I? As a society we are taught to give people a chance and not to judge a book by its cover. In addition because logic and rationality is placed on such a high pedestal we tend to dismiss the power of hunches and intuitions.
The initial reaction to the person had no semblance of logic. In fact when we first met, he presented well in that he was well mannered and polite, in addition to displaying some business flair. He presented as a family orientated man. There were no real discernable external warning signs. On top of that was that I was introduced to him by a friend I trusted. My thinking at the time was if my friend recommended him then this person cannot be too bad. These factors seemed to override my gnawing feeling that something was not quite right.
As it turned out, my friend too paid a heavy price with his own dealings with this person. It was not a pleasant experience to say the least. There was at least 1 similar occasion in my life which also did not turn out well.
This latest episode involved a female in the gaming community. She was known to a few gaming friends of mine and we started to group together. As mentioned previously, I did not take to her from the start. Over a relatively short period of time it became obvious as to why. She turned out to be extremely manipulative, very selfish and for all intents and purposes functioned closer to a 13 year old than an adult.
In the end I decided to part ways with the group I had been playing with for a while. A large part of that decision involved her participation in that group, but there were also other factors involved. This time around the negative effects were minimal. Other than having to find a new group to play with (this was my choice) there wasn’t the mess of the previous times to contend with.
A large part of this was because I was aware of the danger and did not readily dismiss my intuition. In fact it was interesting to observe the whole process. What was particularly interesting was how she was able to easily manipulate others into perceiving her in a certain light. We are much more gullible than we like to think we are! Yet intuition can literally be a life safer and life enhancer when we learn to utilize it in productive ways.
A general way of thinking about similar experiences could be summarized as follows:
- We should pay a lot more attention to our early warning system. We each have an inbuilt mechanism to help us navigate through life.
- Although we have an inbuilt mechanism, we like to override it with logic and social pressure.
- The way to gain trust of an intuitive process is through trial and error. For example, the early experiences of these type of intuition had no grounding in reality to go on. They made no sense and they had no experiential proof that they would end a certain way because there was no proper history or very little history to go on.
- As we pay more attention to our intuitive processes we can learn to distinguish between what is ego and what is intuitive by nature. An example of this would be projecting (ego), where we see things in a person we don’t like, but unconsciously it is a reminder of similar attributes we do not like about ourselves.
- In keeping with the previous tenet, we must learn to separate what belongs to us and what belongs to others.